Bad relationships and the fear of being single
Ever wondered why your otherwise brilliant friends always seem to partner up with less-than-ideal mates? A new 含羞草传媒 study could help explain why.
Led by Stephanie Spielmann, a postdoctoral researcher in the psychology department, the study found that the fear of being single is a meaningful predictor of settling for less in relationships among both men and women. The results are published in the December edition of the .
鈥淭hose with stronger fears about being single are willing to settle for less in their relationships,鈥 says Spielmann. 鈥淪ometimes they stay in relationships they aren鈥檛 happy in, and sometimes they want to date people who aren鈥檛 very good for them.
鈥淣ow we understand that people鈥檚 anxieties about being single seem to play a key role in these types of unhealthy relationship behaviours.鈥
Investigators surveyed several samples of North American adults, consisting of U of T undergraduates and community members from Canada and the U.S. The average age of those sampled was around 30, but respondents varied in age from 17 to 78.
One surprising finding was that those who feared being single seemed to recognize that they were making poor decisions about who to date. When researchers, for example, asked people how much they wanted to date someone who seemed like a jerk, those who feared being single acknowledged that the person didn鈥檛 seem nice and that they would be less likely to have a successful, lasting relationship with the person.
鈥淏ut they wanted to date this person anyway!鈥 says Spielmann.
This suggests that those who fear being single don鈥檛 necessarily have blinders on when it comes to making their relationship decisions, she says. But they seem to want a relationship so badly that they鈥檙e willing to overlook some warning signs.
Researchers also found evidence the image of older, single woman as the prototype of fear of being single might not hold true. The study showed that both men and women share similar levels of concern about being single.
鈥淚n our results we see men and women having similar concerns about being single, which lead to similar coping behaviours, contradicting the idea that only women struggle with a fear of being single,鈥 says co-author, Professor Geoff MacDonald of U of T's Department of Psychology.
Ultimately, Spielmann hopes this study will help those who fear being single to become more secure and make better relationship decisions.
鈥淎t the very least, what we now know can serve as a reminder to question why you鈥檙e making the choices you do in your relationships,鈥 she says. 鈥淎nd to try to focus on making decisions that are truly in your best interest.鈥
Dominic Ali is a writer with University Relations at the 含羞草传媒.